[ Jinu is settled on the bench in question, neither of the animals present at the moment. He's leaning back, hands in his pockets, not a care in the world. ]
[And Alexei doesn't buy it for a second, but he's not going to point it out.
He sits down, leaving a respectable space between the two of them, and pulls a metal cigarette lighter out of his pocket to toy with between his hands.]
[It's ridiculous, honestly, how he can go from a fellow inmate having a fairly normal conversation with this guy to him being someone getting anything out of is like drawing blood from a stone in the space of a month.
Good thing his own temper is a lot easier to control than it used to be.
He gives it a minute, then closes his eyes for a moment and sniffs slightly.]
You said you wanted to talk about it. So I was making sure you didn't have any specific questions you wanted answered. Or not answered.
[ He spreads his hands. ]
And I don't need to say anything. [ He holds up a finger. ] And before you snap at me, I mean that. I don't need to say anything. If you want me to say something, fine. But this isn't about my need.
He lets that sit for a minute, not resisting the urge to snap as much as to say something petty, or simply get up and walk away and draw a hard line under the frustration of the entire thing.]
Uh huh.
[Though, he doesn't see the finger held up. He just sees the movement, still keeping his attention forwards.]
I asked why you're ducking me. If we're here, gotta assume you're willing to tell me. So, go ahead.
[And no, he doesn't need to know either, but he has a feeling Sussie's going to be pissed off if he gives up this early in the game and he doesn't fancy spending the next few months being woken up at three in the morning by an angry magpie.]
[ He glances back, keeping his own tone neutral. ]
You made it clear you weren't interested in me taking the initiative in contact and that casual conversation wasn't something you wanted. Given that was contrary to the vibe you've been trying to give me the whole time, I decided the better part of valor was just avoiding you so I didn't have to figure out what the hell you actually want.
[A frown twitches across his expression for a moment.]
You've spent almost the whole time we've known each other keeping me well at arms length; not giving me the impression that you really wanted much of any kind of contact with me at all. [And that's fine, he gets it, but he's sure as fuck not the only one who's been giving mixed messages here.]
When I realised you were there, I was surprised you'd even decided to come near me to begin with. And-- okay. [A pause. He puts both hands out in front of him briefly.] I misread the situation. I'm sorry I snapped at you. I am. But I--
[He pushes a hand through his hair.]
I don't even know how to fucking talk to you most of the time - much less know what you actually want, either.
[ The first is getting a raised eyebrow; he's slightly incensed. 'Mixed messages'? He's been as clear as he can be in his situation, as far as he's concerned. But he keeps his mouth shut, waits for Alexei to finish, before he gives him a very flat look. His lips twist as he obviously considers a much less polite version of whatever is going to come out before he breathes out slow and dives in. ]
We both know that you can talk to me however the hell you want and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. What I want is to have my bird, and have my cat, work my job, and avoid your temper until someone figures out they're wasting their time and you can leave like you wanted to in the first place.
I'm not 'keeping you at arms length'; I'm doing everything I'm supposed to. I come when called. I listen when you speak. I answer when asked. I don't have anything against you? That's why I tried to look out for you at the wedding. It's what you do. [ You know, if you're a decent person, which he totally isn't. Pay no attention to this conscience behind the curtain. ] But you made it perfectly clear how you feel about this whole thing before we were paired and after. I'm just marching to your tune, warden. If you don't know where we're going, that's not on me.
[A soft sound leaves him. He's not looking Jinu's way but he can feel the other man's eyes on him.]
What you're 'supposed to'?
[His hands are still fidgeting with the lighter, but he does finally shift his gaze sideways to meet Jinu's in turn. He remembers his own first days here, snapping and snarling at everyone and everything. He'd hardly tried to play the model prisoner, for anyone.]
[ Jinu's eyes narrow at Alexei; what game is this, now? The expression says, more clearly than he will even now, 'you know what the fuck I'm talking about and don't pretend you don't'. ]
Do my part, don't piss you off, keep myself busy, don't hurt anyone, stay out of trouble, accept my fate. Make friends, try hobbies, be a productive member of the Barge. Don't complain, don't make waves, don't do anything to call down warden attention. [Yeah, he might have slipped up a couple of times there when the bitterness got too loud, but he's at least been quiet about it. ]
[Alexei takes that in, slowly shifting to put his back against the bench again while his head stays slightly cocked in Jinu's direction.]
You can piss me off as much as you want. I'm not gonna—...
[He takes a breath in, sharp and quick, and turns to rest his arm over the back of the bench. His fingertips tap against the wood almost restlessly. He's got his full attention on Jinu now, his dark eyes intensely curious.]
Who told you that's what you're meant to be doing here?
[ Jinu doesn't hide the blatantly skeptical expression on his face as Alexei tries to tell him he can piss him off as much as he wants. Get real, warden: you snapped at him for doing something nice. Who knows what he'll get if he does something that actually would piss you off? ]
Why would I need to be told? I've seen what he does just to everyone to keep them in line, to remind everyone here what he can do in case we think of causing trouble. What kind of idiot do you think I am that I'm going to do something to call down more?
[ He leans in, scoffing. ]
You think this is new for me?
[ It's impossible to say if he does it on purpose or if his anger is what prompts it, the way the patterns show on his arms and face, the way his eyes light gold. ]
My soul hasn't been my own for four hundred years. And just when I thought it might be again, I show up here.
Maybe it's to intimidate, or make a point, or maybe Jinu hasn't even noticed? He'll probably notice the way Alexei's eyes stray away from his immediately, following the lines of the patterns now marked onto his skin.
It's a brief drift. He's surprised, yes, but he's not... worried. Of all things to unsettle or frighten him this would not be it.]
Four hundred years, huh.
[A pause. He flicks the lighter open, then closes it with a click.]
[ It will become more obvious in the moments after he speaks that the patterns were not intentional. And neither was the outburst. Panic, fear, flickers through his eyes before he clamps down on it, reestablishes the mask, shuts it all down. ]
[He doesn't ask 'what was', at least not so bluntly, because that's been implied well enough. Four hundred years. Okay, right, he's got it.
He has no idea what to do with it just yet, but he's got it.
Alexei takes a breath. His thumbnail worries at the shallow grooves of the engraving in the cool metal against his palm.]
I'm not gonna pretend I know what four hundred years is like. [He took that much easily enough, it seems. Not human? Sure. No problem.] But I know what being a prisoner is like. And not here.
[A pause. He settles himself with a breath, counting in his head.]
Guess it depends what you'd do if you had the chance to try again, make things better.
[Not having to just accept everything you're given because you think you don't deserve differently is something that takes a while to sink in. He knows that well enough.]
[ It's a nice thought, it is... but it's a step too far for him right now. It requires seeing too far into the future, allowing for too much hope and possibility. Too much change.
The firm, definitive 'no', though... that is some progress. ]
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Let's head to the deck. The benches near the art gazebo. Fresh air to clear the air.
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[He's not sure how well this is going to go, really, but he does plan to be honest, for as much good as it will do.]
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He sits down, leaving a respectable space between the two of them, and pulls a metal cigarette lighter out of his pocket to toy with between his hands.]
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Good thing his own temper is a lot easier to control than it used to be.
He gives it a minute, then closes his eyes for a moment and sniffs slightly.]
It's your show, Jinu. Say what you need to.
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[ He spreads his hands. ]
And I don't need to say anything. [ He holds up a finger. ] And before you snap at me, I mean that. I don't need to say anything. If you want me to say something, fine. But this isn't about my need.
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He lets that sit for a minute, not resisting the urge to snap as much as to say something petty, or simply get up and walk away and draw a hard line under the frustration of the entire thing.]
Uh huh.
[Though, he doesn't see the finger held up. He just sees the movement, still keeping his attention forwards.]
I asked why you're ducking me. If we're here, gotta assume you're willing to tell me. So, go ahead.
[And no, he doesn't need to know either, but he has a feeling Sussie's going to be pissed off if he gives up this early in the game and he doesn't fancy spending the next few months being woken up at three in the morning by an angry magpie.]
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You made it clear you weren't interested in me taking the initiative in contact and that casual conversation wasn't something you wanted. Given that was contrary to the vibe you've been trying to give me the whole time, I decided the better part of valor was just avoiding you so I didn't have to figure out what the hell you actually want.
Not really a fan of mixed messages.
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[A frown twitches across his expression for a moment.]
You've spent almost the whole time we've known each other keeping me well at arms length; not giving me the impression that you really wanted much of any kind of contact with me at all. [And that's fine, he gets it, but he's sure as fuck not the only one who's been giving mixed messages here.]
When I realised you were there, I was surprised you'd even decided to come near me to begin with. And-- okay. [A pause. He puts both hands out in front of him briefly.] I misread the situation. I'm sorry I snapped at you. I am. But I--
[He pushes a hand through his hair.]
I don't even know how to fucking talk to you most of the time - much less know what you actually want, either.
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May I speak freely?
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There's a reason they've ended up stuck together, probably, but he's not sure what it is.]
Yeah. Sure.
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We both know that you can talk to me however the hell you want and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. What I want is to have my bird, and have my cat, work my job, and avoid your temper until someone figures out they're wasting their time and you can leave like you wanted to in the first place.
I'm not 'keeping you at arms length'; I'm doing everything I'm supposed to. I come when called. I listen when you speak. I answer when asked. I don't have anything against you? That's why I tried to look out for you at the wedding. It's what you do. [ You know, if you're a decent person, which he totally isn't. Pay no attention to this conscience behind the curtain. ] But you made it perfectly clear how you feel about this whole thing before we were paired and after. I'm just marching to your tune, warden. If you don't know where we're going, that's not on me.
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What you're 'supposed to'?
[His hands are still fidgeting with the lighter, but he does finally shift his gaze sideways to meet Jinu's in turn. He remembers his own first days here, snapping and snarling at everyone and everything. He'd hardly tried to play the model prisoner, for anyone.]
What does that even mean?
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Do my part, don't piss you off, keep myself busy, don't hurt anyone, stay out of trouble, accept my fate. Make friends, try hobbies, be a productive member of the Barge. Don't complain, don't make waves, don't do anything to call down warden attention. [Yeah, he might have slipped up a couple of times there when the bitterness got too loud, but he's at least been quiet about it. ]
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You can piss me off as much as you want. I'm not gonna—...
[He takes a breath in, sharp and quick, and turns to rest his arm over the back of the bench. His fingertips tap against the wood almost restlessly. He's got his full attention on Jinu now, his dark eyes intensely curious.]
Who told you that's what you're meant to be doing here?
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Why would I need to be told? I've seen what he does just to everyone to keep them in line, to remind everyone here what he can do in case we think of causing trouble. What kind of idiot do you think I am that I'm going to do something to call down more?
[ He leans in, scoffing. ]
You think this is new for me?
[ It's impossible to say if he does it on purpose or if his anger is what prompts it, the way the patterns show on his arms and face, the way his eyes light gold. ]
My soul hasn't been my own for four hundred years. And just when I thought it might be again, I show up here.
Message received.
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Maybe it's to intimidate, or make a point, or maybe Jinu hasn't even noticed? He'll probably notice the way Alexei's eyes stray away from his immediately, following the lines of the patterns now marked onto his skin.
It's a brief drift. He's surprised, yes, but he's not... worried. Of all things to unsettle or frighten him this would not be it.]
Four hundred years, huh.
[A pause. He flicks the lighter open, then closes it with a click.]
Just what are you looking at going back to?
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Nothing. All I want is nothing.
An end.
[ Another flicker of something real. ]
It... was supposed to finally be over.
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He has no idea what to do with it just yet, but he's got it.
Alexei takes a breath. His thumbnail worries at the shallow grooves of the engraving in the cool metal against his palm.]
I'm not gonna pretend I know what four hundred years is like. [He took that much easily enough, it seems. Not human? Sure. No problem.] But I know what being a prisoner is like. And not here.
[It's an attempt at some kind of empathy, there.]
... If you had another chance, would you take it?
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What good would that do anyone?
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Guess it depends what you'd do if you had the chance to try again, make things better.
[Not having to just accept everything you're given because you think you don't deserve differently is something that takes a while to sink in. He knows that well enough.]
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You mean like a breach. As a different person. A new person. Is that what you mean?
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How much do you know about the deals the Admiral gives out?
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[ It's a nice thought, it is... but it's a step too far for him right now. It requires seeing too far into the future, allowing for too much hope and possibility. Too much change.
The firm, definitive 'no', though... that is some progress. ]
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